Family

It's amazing how life changes. It's even more amazing how life changes people. My family and I were super close until I got a boyfriend who later turned into my husband. My mom has been in a terrible one sided relationship for almost 30 years and she is severely bitter towards men because of it. And my sister....well she never had a serious relationship worth anything. The transition from immediate family to extended family was not and is still not easy for them. They don't understand how a real family is supposed to work. Growing up my "father" (I use the quotation marks because he has NEVER been a father to me or my sister) was a selfish asshole and only cared about himself (still is a massive asshole). My mom had to work 2 jobs just to take care of us. Even though he lived with us in the same house he was always in his garage not wanting anyone to bother him. He has never bought us any clothes. My mother did all that when we were young. He was so selfish that we were all starving because he wouldn't give up any money to buy food and he would go out and buy himself something to eat. He was a shitty father. He also was and still is a shitty husband. When my mom is unemployed she is out of luck. They never worked like a family unit. It was always his money and her money. His bills and her bills. If my mom didn't have a job she wouldn't get her stuff paid. And as for main bills in the house even now he still will get mad if my mom wants to pay the bills with his money (which he makes more than enough for my mom to not have to work) because he wants to spend his money on things he wants instead which is why their electricity and water and other bills are always getting cut off (all my childhood stuff was getting cut off). He's like in his mid 50's you would think he would have gotten it right by now. But he is a selfish asshole. I feel so bad for my mom having to be  a married single mother her entire relationship. He never even helped her take care of us when we were babies. At first i was sorry for myself because I didn't have a father even though he was physically at the same house all my life growing up. He would never go anywhere with us as a family. He was a doushbag and I still don't respect him and I stopped calling him "Dad" when I was 9 years old. I call him by his first name because he is a stranger to me (seriously...lock me in a room with him and I feel like I'm standing next to a stranger). But I feel bad for my mom for not being able to have a husband that shows love to her. Never being able to celebrate an anniversary. He only ever thinks of himself. He has been living the single life all 30 years of their marriage. I feel bad for my mom but then I also blame her because she should have left him a couple of decades ago. My sister and I was telling her to leave him when we were like 7 years old. They always argued and we could tell that they didn't love each other.

I did learn from my mom's relationship though. I decided that I would never settle for less. My husband treats me like a queen EVERY day. And there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't try to please me or tell me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me. He is an amazing provider and we are an amazing team. He is like the car and I am the driver. We handle life together not separate. Our bills are our bills and our money is our money. I can't imagine how my mom lived and lives the way she does with that man. That's not a relationship and it never was. They don't sleep in the same bed and he doesn't even come in the house much at all. He literately sleeps in the garage and only comes in to check the microwave when my mom cooks dinner. That relationship is so tragic and makes me thankful for mine every single day.

They don't understand how my husband can be such a great provider and I can be a stay at home mom. They don't get why my husband wants to be so involved in our kids lives. They don't understand how he can be a real father to his kids when we all grew up (my mom included) had shitty absent fathers. They don't understand why my husband and I along with our children go everywhere together. I am happy with the family my husband and I created. I wish they could be too.